Talia Biel is a member at Crossroads Church. She is a sincere Jesus follower with a gift for connecting her faith to real life, and for sharing that through her writing. Check out her blog “Holding On To Faith.
Hardships often prepare ordinary people for extraordinary destinies.” – C.S. Lewis When I was growing up, I always had to explain to other kids why I didn’t look like my parents. Why I had dark brown eyes, and olive skin instead of blue eyes and lighter skin like my brothers. While some kids would poke fun (because they didn’t understand) and said things like I probably got picked out of a garbage can somewhere in a dark corner. I would walk around with my head held high saying, “I’m the chosen one, I’m the chosen one”.
I always felt special because I was chosen to be loved, and I would tell the kids who poked fun at me that their parents had no choice but to love them because it was in their job description (yes, I wasn’t such a sweet child). I had a confidence brewing inside me that reminded me day in and day out that whatever life circumstance got in the way, that because I was chosen to be loved by the almighty Creator as His own offspring, we would get through everything, and anything that life spewed out at us together.
This confidence in Christ got me through my first break up, my high school years of being bullied, my parent’s divorce, abuse, and my first experience of dealing with death and tragedy.
I was chosen to be loved, and redeemed, and forgiven by Christ. (We all are chosen, but it’s us that needs to choose Him back) Although, as I became a young adult, the confidence I once had, quickly went to (for more of a better world) hell.
I wrestled and continue to wrestle from the morning I wake to the time I lay my head down to rest that I am still chosen as His offspring. Chosen in His eyes to be loved because of the doubt, the confusion, and the lack of faith I feel deep within my heart. The wrestling of never being enough, or not doing enough.
The wrestle of the sinner’s heart…
I know that we are so undeserving of His love, and yet He still fully extends His grace to us.
Tonight as I stood out amongst the littered tools, pictures, and dust in our living room and stared out the window as the rain fell, I saw something through the fog, near the garden lining the side of the house out front in the hanging basket in full bloom. Mixed in with colours of green and yellow mingling through the small cut out space is a single red rose.
A rose that simply should have through all the seasons, and storms, have been dwindled away, failing to life…
This single rose tugs at my heart, and I am reminded of God’s grace to care for each one of us, in every single need no matter how great the need is. Even when all traces of it should be long gone. Even when I feel that I am no longer chosen to be His offspring. That He stillchooses me today regardless of how confused, full of doubts and scared I am to still be His hands and feet.
He knows all, sees all, and still loves us.
And it is not that he only sees the past, the things we have left behind, the things we have turned from in order to turn to him. He sees the present. He sees the struggles we have each day. He sees the times we choose ourselves, we choose to hurt him, we choose to reject his grace. He sees it all, and He still chooses us.
I am at a point in my life where when I wake, I say, “Is God really with me?”
A place where I feel at large that my life is crumbling quicker than I can keep up. A place that lacks foundation and feels void of hope. A place where I know I need transformation in, but have no idea where to begin.
We come to a point where we exhaust ourselves trying to simply keep breathing. we spiral downwards. When the pain is so deep and the circumstances look overwhelmingly too much. I know this all too well, and I believe that if each of us is honest, we all do. We all walk on roads that feel hard. Messy. Complicated. Hurtful. Hopeless. These seasons can suffocate our hearts and destroy that once pure confidence we had in us.
Seeking God, I’ve wondered why I feel left abandoned. Why I feel like I am walking alone, unable to stand on my two feet. And yet I know, I’m still being chosen to do great things.